Living big starts here

I've spent a lot of time recently thinking about what it means to live a life. The concept of living is vast and can be as complex or simple as you need. When we say someone has truly lived, we often refer to someone who's followed what is important to them or someone who's explored as much as life allowed them. It reminds me of Tara Mohr's "Playing Big." In her definition, playing big is not about striving harder or pushing yourself more, but being more loyal to your dreams than your fears. It sparked an interesting line of inquiry for me that I'd like to call "living big." 

In our lives, who are we? If we could live big with no reservation, what does it look like? What is important about living big? Where are we holding ourselves back? What are we avoiding in order to keep the equilibrium? When do we get in our own way?

We are always on a journey to become and unbecome ourselves. To live big is to be true to this process, to follow who we are, unapologetically. It means to confront our fears and work tirelessly towards our dreams. It doesn't mean putting in more hours; instead, it means we don't let go of opportunities because of what-ifs. 

One of the major ways we avoid living big is to live in the future. As a fellow future-living addict, I’d create anxiety when there isn’t any. I’d plan a million possible outcomes (usually starting from the worst one) before I’d start anything. Life is too bland to be enjoyable. So why do we do it?

Living in the future as a way to control the outcome

We humans love to think that we are in charge. By constantly anticipating the future, we attempt to control its outcome. There is a mysterious belief that if we think hard enough, we’ll solve all the problems. That’s no fault of our own. As we were growing up, we were rewarded for anticipating and solving problems. In return, we learn to live safely, cautiously, and timidly.

Living in the future as a way to keep busy

Our mind is a bit like a border collie - it needs something to keep it occupied, or it’s going to tear the couch inside out. It’s only natural for the mind to gravitate towards living in the future (or the past) - it keeps the mind busy with all of its anxiety-inducing scenarios. They don’t make us happy, but our minds are satisfied. So instead of living big, we are living aimlessly.

Living in the future as a way to avoid the present

Let’s be real - the present is not always the best place. Buddhism teaches that suffering is a part of life and to be expected. If a person experiences pain calmly, without becoming emotionally distressed, they can attain greater states of being. But who wants to sit in pain all day? So we avoid it. By planning an escape route. Our mind gets the relief and distance it needs to feel good by jumping to the future and looking for solutions. However, most of the time, we’re also missing important information of the current moment - clues that tell us how to live big.

How to be here and big?

To uncover the clues of living big, we first need to be here. I have found the following practices very helpful in strengthening the connection between us and now. 

• Breath work

  • Slow down your breathing and return your nervous system to rest and digest (parasympathetic nervous system). As Dr. LePera beautifully put it, breath is the language of the nervous system. Try breathing through your belly, 5 counts in and 5 counts out for 5 rounds.

• Meditation anywhere

  • Turn your attention to the sounds around you. Trace them with your ear. What do you hear? As you identify one, gently name it and move on to the next one until you have acknowledged every sound. The key is to do it slowly.

Now that you’ve slowed down and have arrived, what is here? What clues do you notice? As uncomfortable as it may be, stay with it a little longer. Pay attention to what you are experiencing and where you’re experiencing it. What is it telling you?

There is no instant fix to living big, but you have just taken a brave first step towards it - awareness. Bravo to you! I’d like to invite you to try this in every aspect of your life. You’re big, beautiful, and magnificent, so reclaim the rightful space that has always belonged to you. 

Love,

sam