How to build confidence as a UXer
We have all worked with someone calming, firm, and reassuring. They may not necessarily know the answer to everything or be the loudest in the room. Still, they are grounded with a conviction that nothing could throw them off course. We are mesmerized by their presence.
That energy is what I call confidence and it may come more naturally to some than others. There is pressure in modern society that we need to exhibit this confidence, to speak or behave confidently. As a UXer, confidence is critical. It drives our communication, collaboration, design rationales, and more. However, the path to becoming confident seems mysterious. It’s as if this “confidence” just falls from the sky, and we scramble to figure out how to catch it.
For many years, I was puzzled by how confidence actually works, so I followed the well-known TED-talk-worthy “fake it until you make it” advice. And it does work sometimes. This bottom-up approach uses our behavior to influence our thinking, and implies that we don’t already possess the confidence. That makes changing my behaviour especially terrifying and high-stakes. I didn’t know there was another way, until I started training to be a personal development coach.
I didn’t know there was another way, until I started training to be a personal development coach.
What I’d like to share today is a top-down approach that starts with discoveries and inquiries. It emphasizes bringing our confidence seed to light, nurturing and growing it in soft soil and warm breeze. The crux is to recognize that confidence is a balancing act, and we are already given the biggest clue — us.
As a UX manager, I have employed this method many times, when I’ve witnessed hesitance turning into bright eyes. What was unthinkable and directionless before is now within reach and crisp clear. Let me walk you through it.
Build a decision framework
The first step towards building confidence is to look within. That’s right — you. It’s time to look at how you make decisions.
In UX, we frequently talk about the use of principles. They are a set of guidelines that the team uses to make the best decisions for the products. It gives the team the confidence that they are on the right path.
Similarly, we all operate on a set of (explicit and implicit) principles in our life and work. How do you make decisions? Do you value clarity over chaos? Do you thrive in collaboration rather than in isolation? Are you the type who dreams of the wildest possibilities, or do you tend to seek practical solutions? Why? Write down your answers and see if you could distill them into a few bullet points to form the beginning of your decision framework.
One of my personal all-time favourite principles is curiosity first. Whether it is a project or a person, I remind myself that I am curious to learn more and understand them better. It has revolutionized the way I approach conversations and collaborations.
A decision framework is not set in stone. It ebbs and flows as we become more aware of ourselves and our values. The power lies in the process of articulation. Exposing the black-box thinking gives us confidence that we have an anchor even at the stormiest sea.
Remind yourself of your long-term goals
Confidence needs a long-term runway. When we put on a blinker and only focus on the immediate present, it’s easy to grow attached to it. Every small thing seems to have uninhibited power to make or break our lives and career. It’s helpful to be reminded of the growth mindset and our long-term goals.
In Dr. Dweck’s book Mindset: The New Psychology of Success, she draws attention to the growth mindset, that abilities can grow over time with hard work, good strategies, and mentorship. It is less about getting everything right, but about what can be learned through each experience.
A rough idea of where you are heading also takes the pressure off of immediate wins and losses. Here are some questions that you can journal with:
Where do you see yourself in one year?
How about five years?
Imagine that you have achieved all that you set out to do, and looking back at your present self, what do you see? What would you say?
It is important that we work and live in the present, but remember to look up and check out where you are going every now and then. Remind yourself what this learning experience is meant for and what it enables you to do. That means, instead of taking actions out of fear of failure/judgment/rejection, make bold moves, say, taking on a challenging project, that would stretch you and create a learning opportunity.
This could also look like reflecting on your successes and lessons a few times a year and recalibrate your trajectory as you go. With practice, you will be able to choose what is best for you with confidence and ease.
Get feedback (and pay attention to the positive feedback!)
Confidence without feedback is ignorance and arrogance. It’s like being a big fish in a small pond — it might look like you’re doing well, but there is ocean and lakes, and whales, you have never known of.
Whenever possible, ask for feedback. It can be scary if you’re not used to it. Think of feedback as the sun and the rain that helps a plant grow — it’s not always comfortable, but it is necessary.
Think of feedback as the sun and the rain that helps a plant grow — it’s not always comfortable, but it is necessary.
It is also an art to take feedback. Most of us usually go straight to the areas we can improve on and only gloss over the ‘doing well’ column. My suggestion is to look at both. In fact, spend more time digesting the positive feedback. What do your teammates notice as your strengths? What sets you apart from others? What unique value are you bringing to the table? Make a dedicated folder/notebook to collect them over time. These are the superpowers that will not only get you through rough times, but also contribute to your decision framework.
Learn from mentors
Confidence cannot grow without nutrition. We all need mentors and teachers. By learning from others, we start to build confidence in areas that need development.
Mentorship doesn’t have to be complex or formal. It could be as simple as ‘watch and learn’. For example, you may be impressed by how someone on your team presents their designs. Next time, when they are in action, watch closely. How do they set up the context? How do they break down a complex problem? How do they bring the audience along? You can then take it to the next level by asking them for a coffee to teach you how they do what they do.
Take advantage of your network and relationships. From my experience, people are usually generous and are willing to share their wisdom. Then, when it’s your turn, pay it forward.
Celebrate your wins, big and small
Confidence is about the small things, too. Big wins like promotions and project launches are worth celebrating, and so are small ones like running a smooth team meeting and providing insightful feedback. The ability to notice our own effort, and encourage and acknowledge ourselves, fuels our long-term mental resilience and happiness.
I wrap up my workday by writing down a few things I’ve done well that day. They might not be that impressive but think positive reinforcement and snowball effect. The accumulation of small wins nurtures and grows our sense of accomplishment. It signals progress day by day.
The accumulation of small wins nurtures and grows our sense of accomplishment. It signals progress day by day.
One of the best pieces of advice I have received is from my UX Director Andre Pennycooke at Shopify. It not only helped me approach the conversations with my reports, but also shed a different light for my own personal development — instead of comparing two individuals, compare the person to themselves. So, what have you made progress today compared to yesterday? What new knowledge have you learned this month? Give yourself a literal pat on the back for your progress!
Confidence is a learned behavior and can be developed and strengthened over time. We are all given the best starter kit (us!). With cultivation, care, sunlight, and rain, our sense of self will become more complete, accurate, and confident. Imagine all the things you would sign up for and accomplish with that inside-out confidence!
You may finally apply for that dream job, or step into a leadership role, or take on that high-visibility project with lots of complexity and ambiguity. Whatever you set out to achieve, to borrow Sharon Salzberg’s words, may you move forward wholeheartedly without holding back.
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