What to do when you don’t know

Knowing that we don’t know everything can be scary. Whether it’s not knowing how the world is going to be like in 6 months, or what the next steps should be for your career, that unknown creates the same fear in us. It is like standing in a half-lit room and looking at the other side. We simply have no way of knowing what is there. For all we know, it has this enormous power of consuming us. That fear is a giant knot in the stomach, crippling every move we make, yet sending our thoughts frantically to all over the place. 

Stemming from the panic, we desperately want to reach out to anything we can hold on to. We then get mad and frustrated when the things we hold on to don’t come to fruition as expected. When my clients talk about this type of situation, none of them wants to be there. Logically they want to stop feeling powerless, yet emotionally it sucks them back in over and over. Is there a way out of this vicious cycle? 

See it, name it

There is something special about this honest acknowledgment - that we don’t know everything. It speaks a particular truth about our limitations. From the acknowledgment grows a sense of humility and groundedness. It softly lights up a part of our heart. Pay attention to when you feel the panic and start doing things frantically. Note down what emotions it brings on and what you do in that situation.

Create space

Once you identify it, take a few deep breaths. I’m not just saying this to calm you down. There are many known physiological benefits to taking deep breaths, like encouraging full oxygen exchange to slower heartbeat and lower blood pressure. This oxygen exchange also opens up new space around you and for you - to release the tension on your shoulders, give yourself permission to slow down, and feel vulnerable even for a brief moment. This act of self-love may seem unnatural to you if you constantly deprioritize yourself for others around you. Think of what you have done and do for those you care about, now extend the same compassion to yourself. Take a few more deep breaths, and experience that love for yourself.

Get curious

The best way to learn is to ask questions with an open mind. Connect with your curiosity and ask these questions: What is it that you dream of? What do you hope to achieve? What are your motives (e.g., love, fear, passion)? How much are you motivated by each one? Which one tends to dominate? By asking these questions, you may notice that you’re dying to achieve your dreams, but you’re motivated by fear. Fear of not being successful, fear of being judged by others, fear of letting go of control. Ask yourself if you can choose any perspective or emotions in the world to help you get to your destination, what do you want to try? I’d challenge you to go big. Maybe a new perspective for you is “I learn from experimentation,” or “What I seek I already have.”

Make the first step

In my previous blog, I talked about the importance and power of incremental changes. What is a small change you can make in your life in the next week or two that can bring you closer to your goal? Something to you can try is:

  • Practice the new perspective daily

  • Spend 5 minutes a day celebrating your bravery, accomplishment, and good work

  • Visualize you reaching your dream for a few minutes every morning


Uncertainty is something we all experience. What gets us out of the slump is showing up every day and trying. It’s ok to feel impatient or afraid. Just know that you’re doing the best you can, and give yourself the space to unfold into that beautiful future you dream of.

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A letter to all the brave UXers

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The power of incremental changes